When you’re looking after kids in the house, day in day out, it can feel a bit like you’re in prison. Like Steve McQueen in ‘The Great Escape’, throwing that baseball against the wall, time after time. Except that, instead of Steve McQueen, it’s your kids. And it’s not a baseball they’re throwing, but your crockery.
Before you start tunneling out through the floor, take a look at this list of 5 great things to get out to with your kids.
Most public libraries and even some cafes run a mid-morning storytime/singalong session for kids and parents. Some toddlers don’t sit still during the stories, but the singing and dancing is great for tiring them out in time for the afternoon nap. If the host is good they’ll throw in a few jokes for the adults along the way to keep you entertained.
2. The pool.
Kids love water. Splashing, screaming, divebombing – there’s plenty of ways to burn up that toddler energy. On the other hand, babies love a good relaxing float. Swim nappies for babies are a must, though. And make sure to time it so you hop in after they’ve done a poo. We don’t want any of those floaters!
3. Crybaby sessions.
Sounds like Hell. Listening to babies crying? What torture is this? Well, it’s not what you think. This activity involves going to a special screening at the cinema where the theatre is full of parents and babies. A lot of cinemas have them, especially the smaller independent places. It’s a great way to catch a flick without having to worry about your kid piping up at the wrong moment and ruining the atmosphere. The atmosphere is already full of cries. Unless the little ones are all asleep. Still, there’s a reason the movies are subtitled!
4. The park.
The good old park. If you’re lucky enough to have a play-park close to you, make the most of it! A 30 minute spell of running about between swings and slides and seesaws and sandpits can be the difference between a little angel and a destructive dynamo when it comes to nap time. As long as the equipment is age appropriate you can also get the chance to chat to other parents that may be there. If you have the place to yourself, why not join in the play. Go on! Down the slide! Nobody’s watching…
5. The beach.
Who doesn’t love the beach? Ok, maybe whales and dolphins, but most other higher mammals do – including your child. There are waves to run from, sand to build castles with, and discoveries to be made in the rock pools. Why not get an ice-cream and walk along the beach, teaching Junior how to skim pebbles? Go on, show the kids your amazing record of 7 skips of stone along the water…if they have the time.
wait, wait, wait…1,2,3,4,5…gah!…
this time,this time..1,2.3,4…bah!…
So… if you feel like every day is Groundhog Day, just remember this motto:
Many psychologists believe that the best way to overcome anxiety is to expose the patient to the feared object/situation in a secure and controlled environment. Following this line of thinking, I took a deep breath, went to my safe place inside, and toddled along to the ‘Pregnancy, Babies & Children’s Expo’ that’s currently touring Australia.
After all, how bad could it be?
The key to running a large-scale public attraction (if I recall my teenage years playing Theme Park) is traffic flow. In other words, getting the customers from start to finish, making sure they get to all the important points in between. The analysis of crowd flows is often used by supermarkets to maximise sales and police departments to predict how protestors will behave.
The Melbourne Convention & Exhibition Centre must have done a bit of crowd analysis before hosting ‘Australia’s Favourite Parenting Expo’, judging by the perfectly planned layout of the foyer that led a long line of mostly-Mums to the event.
First stop, the mobile coffee shop where Mums and Dads can fuel up and wake up, respectively. De-caf for the breastfeeders, full strength for the bottle-feeders and double shots for Dad. Once the kids’ faces have been prised from the glass wall of muffins, next stop is the toilet.
The combination of weak pelvic floor muscles and diuretic beverage makes this stop a necessity for Mum, but a trip to the loo also offers the chance for baby to freshen up and Dad to wipe the cold sweat from his brow.
Onwards to the ATM. After all, although the goal is to blag as many free samples as possible, there might actually be something worth buying!
The queue is long and has been there long before the 10am opening. No sleep-ins anymore for this crowd. Anticipation and toddlers’ frustration building, eventually the pram-train rolls forward and the Expo welcomes us with grins and goodies.
I felt like a soldier entering a warzone. Much of what followed was a blur. However, with the aid of hypnotherapy I was able to locate these fragments from the recesses of my memory:
Dorothy the Dinosaur & Captain Feathersword – The on-stage entertainment. Although they may sound like a psychedelic rock band from the 70s, they are in fact characters from kiddies supergroup The Wiggles.
The Booby Trapper – A novel and funky design for a nursing cover that was…wait for it… born in the USA!
Nosefrida the Snotsucker – Not a Viking. Instead, a nasal aspirator for unblocking children’s noses and European baby product of the year. You’ve gotta love those Europeans.
I borrowed the title of this blog from an old TV ad for Whyte & MacKay whiskey.
However, if you think you’re losing your bottle, it’s best for Dads to step back from the single malt and find comfort instead in knowing that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!
Of course, when I say those words I don’t mean them in a Fox Mulder kind of way. Nor do I mean that there’s someone creeping up behind you as you read this, closing on you with heavy breathing and a wobbling handheld camera. I’m talking about support.
Don’t worry, I’m not getting into the great ‘Briefs vs Boxers’ debate either. I mean that there are plenty of new Dads going through the same things that you are – the same highs and the same lows. Right now, there are lots of men all over the world embarking upon the same journey. Even if you don’t know your fellow travellers by name, it’s reassuring to know that you’re all huddled together in the same boat – and that it’s not the Titanic.
Still, if you feel like you’re all at sea, being battered by your responsibilities, then there are plenty of ports in this storm.
Why not join a regular parent’s group? Often organized by local councils, they allow you to share experiences, frustrations and tips with other ‘P-plater parents’ in a judgement-free zone. Parent’s groups also give you the chance to make friends and maybe even score a new babysitting option!
How about reading some parenting books? I know some guys don’t like to ask for help. Consequently, they may not make it to the bookshop because they got lost and didn’t want to ask directions. Still you can buy books online at sites like The Book Depository where postage is free worldwide. Books that are written by Dads for Dads, often in a humorous and quirky… step by step…DIY manual…format…
…OK, it appears someone else got there before me.
Oh well. Since originality is officially dead, why not go ahead and write a WordPress blog? Even if you have no audience, it’s a great way to let off steam. Think of it as digital primal scream therapy and let those fingers flail!
However, if you don’t have the time, or can’t unclench your fists long enough to key in your thoughts, then just follow some blogs. You’ll pick up ideas and perhaps get a welcome laugh. To get you started, I’ll leave you with two parenting blogs that have caught my bloodshot eye:
Dad Down Under is a series of humorous and uplifting posts subtitled ‘Confessions of a Stay At Home Dad’. Charting the everyday adventures that all parents can relate to, this blog is good for fathers who want to feel a sense of ‘solidadity’.
I Made A Human, Now What? is a more general discussion about hot parenting topics and useful products. This blog is also a great source of ideas about what works and what doesn’t.